MANBELLA
by sampire
Summary: Funny little story. It kind of breaks off of my other story, sunrise, but you can read this even if you've not read that one. It basically goes like this: bella dies, and is reincarnated as a dude. What will Jake and Ed do? Could they possibly love a MAN?
1. Chapter 1

**(Disclaimer- I own nothing of the Twilight Saga.)**

_heyyyy! i hope that people are actually reading this, and that i've not just typed it for no reason at all.  
so this is the new MAN-BELLA story. it'll only be a few chapters long, not a real story, per say, but it should  
be at least a little bit amusing. so i hope that you enjoy it. and please leave me some reviews and even ideas of  
what you would like to see happen in the story, like any scene you'd like me to write. thank you!_

Friendly Disputes

I knocked on the door. Three times. What did that bloodsucker want _now?_ Every single day for the past ninety years he'd called me. Every time, in that stupid, desperately whiney voice of his, he'd beg me to come and "hang out." In case he'd forgotten, hanging upside down in bat caves wasn't really my thing.

He answered the door, a big dopey grin on his face. "Hey!" He said, bouncing a little in excitement.

"Hey." I tried only slightly to alleviate the annoyance in my tone. He knew I didn't want to be here. "What do you want, Edward? I'm on a time limit, here. If I don't get home in time, Embry's gunna eat my steak." He raised his eyebrow, confused. I sighed. "You said it was important." _Otherwise I would never have agreed to come_. I didn't say it, but he heard me anyway. His gleeful expression faltered.

"Oh…Uh…" He looked away from me, his mouth twitching nervously. "Well…there was a matter…of…importance…but, it was resolved." He smiled again, a little too widely, triumphant. I shook my head.

"That wasn't convincing at all. You didn't even _have_ a reason, did you? Seriously, Edward. That's pathetic. When are you going to realize? I'm _not_ your companion, I'm _not _your friend, and I'm _certainly _not Bella." I motioned to myself with my hand. "Do I look like a girl to you?"

Edward glared at me, his hands balling into fists. "Actually, yes. But not as pretty."

I laughed at his comment, tempted to tease him on the fact that he'd admitted I was pretty, but continued on like I hadn't even heard it. I was having too much fun. I kept going, a big smile on my mouth.

"And you can forget about Bella ever wanting to be with you again. I mean, considering the fact that you've become so _annoyingly_ clingy—and also your burning desire for me and my body. That won't help much either." I chuckled, shoulders bouncing with amusement. I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"I'm warning you, _dog"_ He sneered the word, leaning closer to me. I continued to shake with laughter. "One more word and you're dust." One cold finger brushed across his neck in a threatening gesture.

"Isn't that _your_ destiny—winding up in somebody's dustpan? Where's my stake?" I tapped at my pockets, pretending to search for it while Edward glared at me. Snorts tumbled from my nose again and again, a river of hilarity. This was just too good. He was so easy to mess with. "Or, better yet, the sun. Where did that yellow ball wander off to? Oh. Excuse me! Where have my manners gone? You're not like other vampires. The sun doesn't kill you. It makes you _sparkle."_ The word curled off of my tongue in the girliest tone I could manage. I bowed to him, pretended to take off a hat. "My Lady,"

"Dammit, you stupid mongrel!" He pushed off the doorframe, breaking the handle on the way out, his fingers reaching for my throat. I pivoted to the left, snickered when he fell to the ground on his hands and knees. My death was vivid in his eyes—even I could see it. But still, he was just so damn funny.

"_Now _who's the dog? Come here boy!" I called, slapping at my knees. "C'mon. You can do it! Puppy wanna treat?" I knew the baby talk was going to upset him—that was why I did it—but still, I didn't expect it'd work so well. It took only a matter of three seconds before we were rolling across the ground, down the winding driveway away from his house. I caught a glimpse of Emmett in the doorway, snapping pictures.

Edward snarled at me, tearing the neck of my shirt with claw-like hands. Maybe it'd have been smarter to have shut my mouth by that time, but I simply couldn't control the stream of insults that kept brewing in my head.

"Can't wait to get my clothes off, huh? That why you had me come over then? Miss Bella so much you'd settle for me? Or have you always been pining for me, using her as a cover-up? Bet you've always played for the other team."

Edward let out a roar of fury, shoving my face into the dirt, our dizzying roll jolting to a stop. I coughed as the grains of sand and rock filled my mouth, writhing as he straddled my back. I couldn't even turn my head to spit the filth out of my mouth. When I tried, I just came up with another tongue full of muck.

"Get the hell off me, you stupid leech!" I kicked my legs up into his back as hard as I could, still struggling to get him off of me, a gag rising in my throat at the texture in my mouth. He was the one laughing now, and I didn't like the sound of it. It irritated me beyond belief. Kicking harder, I managed to reach my fist up and strike his jaw. He swayed above me for just a minute, giving me enough time to turn myself. I was facing him now. I took advantage of it.

I attacked, throwing myself onto him and rolling again. Fists flew in every direction, punching at everything that came in the way. I struck a rock at one point, and though it wasn't much different from punching him, I nearly had to ask him to stop so I could get some ice for it. But that'd have been a wimpish thing to do, and I was not about to let him break me. Stupid bloodsucking man-lover. I growled, throwing my forehead hard against his. Stars passed in front of my eyes as his knuckles crossed my jaw again.

And then I was stuck.

"Ow! Dammit!" Humiliation had me wishing I could crawl into a hole with some real wolves, but I didn't want to admit to the shame of the situation yet. Then again, I couldn't roll anymore, stuck as I was. The pain was whipping across my head in rapid little waves, and Edward just kept on trying to get me to move along with him in the mud. "Stop it, stupid! My hair's stuck on a friggen branch!"

He didn't seem to hear me.

"Knock it off!" I yelled at him, smacking him on the back of the head. My hair was twisted completely around the twig sticking out of the ground, jabbing into the flesh of my scalp. Edward tugged at me harshly, seeming not to have heard me yet, and I pathetically squealed like a child. "Dammit! My fucking hair is _caught_, idiot!"

His dark gold eyes flickered to my hair, wincing when they locked on the demon that pinned me to the ground. He nipped at his lip, looking absurdly apologetic and concerned. He leaned closer, twisting his own head to get a better look, bending down on his hands and knees beside me, lowering his face to the sand by my head.

"What're you lookin' at it for, you stupid…_thing_! It's not going to look any different than any other branch out here—not going to turn and smile at you, or do a little jig. Just get the damn thing _out of my hair!_"

"I'm sorry! Oh!" He cringed as his fingers tenderly worked at my hair, trying to pry it loose from the gnarled piece of tree holding me captive. I muttered unintelligibly, sputtering a low rant of profanities as the hair ripped from my head.

"SHIT! What the _hell_ are you trying to do!?" I shouted when the pain struck my crown like a cap of acid. Edward pulled away from me, looking slightly dumbfounded, little afraid. I tried hard not to punch him as he flicked a finger lightly at the tree branch.

"Oh my," He murmured. "Boy, it's really in there." He shook his head in incredulity, lowering once again to inspect it.

"Dammit, stupid parasite!" That was all it took. His ridiculous need to examine the thing up close again set me off, and I ripped my head forward, pulling the stick with me. My hair swung, catching Edward by surprise, and stuck to his. The branch was holding our heads together now—at the scalp.

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"You got me stuck on you!" He shouted, sounding appalled and pretty mad. I risked a chuckle, punching him in the shoulder blade.

"Knew you were a pansy." I muttered, knowing it would rile him up. Plus, he kinda walked right into that one. The double meaning in his words may not have been intended, but it was definitely there. "'S not my fault you fell for me. I've gotta say you did a pretty good job of making it seem like you were into Bella. Guess a part of me always knew, though. I see the way you look at me." I snickered, tugging my head to the side as hard as I could, hoping to hurt him.

He gasped in pain, but so did I. "Guess that wasn't the smartest idea." I admitted, rubbing absently at the spread of fire burning my skull.

"Your _birth_ wasn't a smart idea."

"And yours was? Hell, you got _two_ births. One as a woman, then another as a bloodsucking rat." I rolled my eyes when he stared me down, his own brimming with madness, face much too close to mine. Stupid tree branch. Nature sure as hell would get a kick in the ass the second I got outta this. "Oh, sorry. Did I say woman?"

Edward nodded, his mouth and eyes tight, obviously not believing the half-assed innocence I'd pulled into my tone. I ignored the pull at my hair, the slight grimace on his face.

"Yeah. Sorry 'bout that. I meant to say _girl_, actually."

And then we were at it again.


	2. Chapter 2

**(Disclaimer- Still own nothing of Twilight.)**

and here is the second chapter. i've really nothing more to say about it other than  
leave reviews and please give me some feedback/ideas/requests. so bye then.  
enjoy!

Flower Power

"You hit like a girl!" I shouted at Edward, trying to rip myself from his reach without tearing my hair out. His sneer hardened further, stretching across the little distance to smack at my shoulder.

We'd been struggling down the rest of his driveway and were in the road now, just close enough to see the bridge that passed over the river. We must have looked stupid, stumbling the way we were, heads tied together by a leafy little tree branch, swatting each other like flies. It was a girl fight, but it was all we could manage in the current situation without causing ourselves a whole lot of pain.

I punched him in the gut. He careened backwards, tugging me along.

"Ah," I groaned, rubbing at my head as his backhand met my face.

"Still think I hit like a girl, dog?"

"You just bitch-slapped me." I stared at him in astonishment, a chuckle on the edge of my tongue. He really was a girl. He couldn't even punch. He might as well have pulled out a purse and hit me with that.

My lips were separating for the next string of insults when Edward suddenly flipped his head to the side, spinning. I fell to the ground, dragged by my hair as he continued to look around like a madman…like a dog smelling bacon.

For someone who was constantly referring to _me_ as a dog, he sure as hell acted a lot more like one than I did—even counting the times that I grew fur and trotted around on four legs. He _still_ was more canine than me.

"What is it, Lassie?"

Edward snapped his head to the left, ignoring me, nostrils flared. His eyes were huge and alert, completely unaware of the pain he was causing us both. In a half-crouch, he was low enough to the ground as to not have his hair disconnect from his head, seeing as I was attached to it and still in the dirt.

"Freesia." He whispered, eyes darting everywhere.

I raised an eyebrow, sighing. The man was seriously insane. I couldn't tell what had done it to him—the loss of his fiancé or the fact that he'd sniffed too many of her old clothes—but he'd lost it. Or he'd never had it.

Either way, I'd never had a guy stop to smell the flowers in the middle of a sissy-brawl.

"Listen. It's real thoughtful and all for you to wanna pick me some flowers, but we're kinda in a bit of a predicament. You know, heads stuck together, cat-fight?"

He just kept looking around, searching for the freesia, I'd guess. It was like he didn't even hear me, like he was off in some world of skipping and flower-picking.

I snapped my fingers in front of his face, trying to bring him back down to earth.

"Stop that!" He slapped my hand away from his face without any real force, his eyes focusing really hard in the direction of the stone bridge. "It's Bella!" He slapped my chest, this time in joy, trying to get me to feel it with him. I shot him a look, wondering just how deep his insanity was.

"Was there any alcohol in your last blood-bath, kitten?"

He looked at me now, his eyebrows pressed together in confusion. I grinned at him, satisfied with the fact that I'd said something strange enough to get him to look at me. Edward blinked twice, clearing his head, before squishing my face between his fingers and turning my head in the direction of the bridge again.

"Right there! Look!"

I searched the area over by the bridge. There was one person there, a truck parked off to the side. All six feet of that person was solid gold, baked through with sunlight from working outside. Muscles covered the arms, long and wiry, all the way down to the hands holding the fishing rod. I cocked my head.

"Are people supposed to be fishing on that bridge?"

"Shh! Who cares? It's Bella!"

I blinked now, trying to see what he saw. But I couldn't. That was _not_ Bella.

"Uh, that's a man." The words were gargled as they came from my squished mouth, and I had the notion that my face probably resembled one of a fish. I pried his fingers from my cheeks.

Edward's face twisted slightly with confusion, but his eyes were determined.

"No, Jacob, I can smell her."

"Is that so, Fido?" Sarcasm. It worked wonders.

He pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes as they met mine. "I can't hear her mind."

"His."

"It's BELLA, you imbecile!"

"_Bella_ does _not_ have a p—"

"Would you just shut the hell up and _look_ at her for a minute?"

"_Him."_

But I looked, and as I did, my eyes met…his. Hers. I didn't know anymore. All I could see was the pair of eyes that looked back at me, seemed to stretch into the deepest pits of my soul. They were brown and insightful, intelligent, curious.

Bella's eyes.

It happened quickly. The second Edward saw the comprehension—recognition— flicker across my face, it was a competition. Without even thinking about it, it seemed, his hand pushed at my face, covering it completely so I couldn't see anymore. My head pushed back into the dirt as Edward tried to make a run for it, attempting to get to her before I could. He didn't appear to have calculated the fact that we were stuck together still.

Neither did I.

I punched him in the back of the leg as he fell, climbing onto his back, clawing over him so I could get past. He flipped himself over, crushing me into the ground once again, tugging on the branch so he could rip away from me.

I hit him again, knuckles to jaw, and sent him flying away from me with a chunk of my hair tangled into his. I swore under my breath, taking the chance to scramble up from the ground and make it to her. Him. Her.

"Ah, who cares?!" I spit at my own perplexing thoughts, running over to the beauty in front of me. It was going to take a while for me to get used to the muscles and the…manliness, but I could see it in the eyes, the lips. It was Bella. Man or not.

I grabbed onto her hand, Edward following at my heels. He jolted to a stop when Man-Bella pushed my hand from him/her, looking shocked and astonished at the sight of us.

"Who the hell are you two?"

"I'm Jake. I've missed you so much, Bells." I grabbed the reincarnated Bella into a hug, pressing my face into his shoulder. Edward slapped at me, trying to get in on it.

"Get off of her! She's mine!"

"No. She's mine, you stupid leech. Back the hell off."

The man I was holding onto cleared his throat, pushing me neatly from him and into Edward. His/her mouth twitched in humor as Edward and I both fell to the ground.

"Actually, I'm nobody's…and I'm a man." He made a face, looking a bit disgruntled. "Who in the hell is Bella?"

"Bella! You have to remember me." Edward pleaded, hands clasped. He pushed up from the ground, grabbing Man-Bella's face between his palms. I gritted my teeth, realizing what he must have been trying to do, and rushed to push him away from Man-Bella. "I know how to make you remember." He whispered to her, lowering his lips.

"Ugh! What the…" Man-Bella tossed Edward away from her, wiping at her/his lips though they hadn't even touched the vampire's yet. "You guys are _freaks._ Seriously."

"Get the fuck away from me!" He/she added when I stepped closer, hand extended, an expression of torture on my face.

Man-Bella took off running, headed in the direction of the truck sitting by the curb. He/she didn't seem to care about leaving the fishing-pole behind. He didn't even glance back as he threw himself on the seat, looking half-terrified and completely disturbed.

Edward and I tore after him, trying to catch up even as he drove like a bat out of hell down the road. And then he was gone, leaving us standing in the middle of the street all alone.

There were a few minutes of awkward, heart-broken silence before anything was said. Then I just couldn't help it.

"Told you you were gay."


	3. Chapter 3

**(Disclaimer- I own a pretty little man-bella, i do.)**

_honestly, i can't even tell if this is funny. its funny in my head... because i can see it happen.  
but like i've said, if there is any scenario you'd like me to write about for one of the chapters, TELL ME!  
and thanks to queenoftheviciousvines, who helped me with this entire idea during study hall last year. :D  
she deserves to be recognized. read and review!  
oh, and this is really short, but remember...this isn't like a normal story. its not supposed  
to be solid and magnificent. just strange and amusing. :) bye now._

Stalked

Isaac walked quicker now through the grocery store, a bucket of food supplies in his left hand. He'd managed to escape the two strange men for almost two days now, which was a pleasant surprise after being stalked for a whole week. Everywhere he turned it seemed there they were: a strange and freakishly tall Indian man and a pale…well, sort of a hunk, really. Not that Isaac was into men. He wasn't. Nope.

He was nearing the register now, his eyes locked on a pretty blonde girl. Now this was more his taste. She was about five feet and six inches tall, blue-eyed and smiling. Her lips were full and pink and her figure was slim but lovely. All he'd have to do was come up with some catchy conversation to get her to notice him. Maybe he'd go the "badass" route today. Play around with the idea of that motorcycle he'd seen in the parking lot being his. She wouldn't know if he was lying to her.

In line now, he grinned at her, glancing down at the nametag on her shirt. _Michelle, _He thought. It was a bearable name, he supposed. And if he were to get sick of it, he could always just call her something else, tell her that it was just a nickname, that he wanted something special to call her. Again, she wouldn't know if he was lying to her. She wouldn't know that he just hated her name.

"Hello, Michelle." He said conversationally, taking his place before her.

"Hi there, how are you this morning?" She gave him a big grin, causing his eyebrow to rise in a particularly cocky gesture. He had always been pretty confident with the ladies—overly confident, maybe, always making a show of how well he could flirt with them. Back home in Texas that meant something different to the kids. It meant that he had something to hide, that he was using his flirting skills as a cover up. But he _wasn't _into guys!

"Better now," He smiled, flashing his teeth. "Ever been on a Harley?"

She blinked, glancing out the door. Apparently she'd been admiring the bike, too. "No. Why, is that thing yours?"

His grin grew large. "Why, yes. Yes, it is."

"You know that's parked illegally, right?"

His grin faltered. He coughed. "Well, that's what we bad-boys do, don't you think?" When the smile came back to his lips, both he and Michelle could tell it was a nervous one. She snorted, raising her brows.

"You're not the best at flirting, are you?"

His jaw dropped. "I'd like to think I'm pretty good, actually. One of the best."

She chuckled at his disgruntled expression, dropping a bag into his little hand-held basket. What kind of a man used a little pink basket like that? A pansy, most likely. She snickered behind her hand. "_Right."_

Aggravated, he gritted his teeth, on the verge of just giving up. She wasn't _that _pretty. He huffed. "What's your last name, doll?" He tried one last time.

"Newton. Michelle Newton."

He made a face, for some reason no longer as interested as he was a moment before. His stomach felt a little weak all of a sudden like he might puke. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"No. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered you." She chuckled arrogantly.

Scowling, he ripped the remaining bag from the counter—replacing it with some cash—chucked it into his basket and turned on his heels. What an unpleasant girl she was! Nobody _ever _turned Isaac Swatskee down.

As Isaac came closer to the exit, he froze, blinking rapidly. He could _not _be seeing what he thought he was. That would be impossible, wouldn't it?

At the very top of the glass door there was a face, _just _a face, hanging upside down, peering at him. The golden eyes watched him with adoration, eyebrows pressed together and up, mouth popped open in a way that made him look as though he were cooing.

The pale hunk.

With an infuriated bellow, Isaac charged for the door, hoping that when it opened the strange white man would fall flat on his face. Instead, the man clung there, somehow sticking there like a spider. Only his head turned to watch Isaac dash over to his car, his expression anguished.

"No!" The strange man called to Isaac as he ran.

Edward jumped down from his spot above the door, running hopelessly forward in an attempt to stop his one true love. As he dodged an oncoming car, he saw Jacob pop out of a dumpster, covered in dirt.

"No, Bella, _wait!"_ Jacob called, trying feebly to climb out of the large green bin.

Both were too late though, sadly watching as Isaac tore his way out of the parking lot and screeched out onto the street. Edward sniffled.

"Nice going, Spidey." Jacob huffed, throwing a displeased look over the banana peel perched on his shoulder at Edward. Edward's chin dropped low to his chest, the attitude of a teenage girl displayed on his face. He clicked his tongue, rolling his neck back.

Jacob almost thought he would snap his fingers to finish off the move, but he didn't.

"Oh _pull-eaze_. And I suppose you're going to tell me that your dumpster-diving expertise was a real _turn-on_ for her, hm?" He snorted. "You're such a canine."

And Jacob punched him in the arm.


	4. Chapter 4

**(disclaimer- i don't own twilight.)**

_yay, another chapter. credit goes to megan for thinking of the plot between jake and embry.  
i hope that you all like this chapter, i had a ton of fun writing it. i love all of the boys in this one.  
PLEASE read and review!_

**Chapter 4**

Jacob walked sullenly to his garage, a warm soda in his hands. He was upset that Man-Bella had not been responding well to him. Even as a man, shouldn't Bella still be attracted to him?

Jacob pulled a mirror from his pants pocket and peered into it. _I'm still hot, _he thought to himself, scowling.

He found Embry waiting inside the makeshift garage, sitting on a little red plastic crate, sniffing at a can of gasoline. From the way that Embry continued to stare at the metal container, swaying a little, Jake could tell that he hadn't heard him come in.

Jake kept his distance, standing just inside the door with his back against the wall. Absurd images were running through his mind, causing his face to twist strangely, but even he had to admit that the idea was a good one. After all, how could Jacob possibly be with Man-Bella unless he had some kind of experience being with a man?

Embry glanced up from his love-fest with the tin can, and gasped at a silent Jacob in the corner.

"Whoa, man. You scared me! What're you doing standing over there like a creep?"

"What're _you _doing with that can?" Jacob retorted dazedly. His eyes were still glued to the crazy—but potentially useful—image in his head.

Embry squirmed beneath the weight of the question, placing the can on the ground. "N-nothing." He snorted like it was a dumb question and ran his hand through his hair. Jacob found himself watching that hand with subtle, ambivalent interest, and his stomach twisted a bit to the side. He shuddered.

"Embry? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?"

Jacob pursed his lips, wondering how they'd feel if… "As my best friend, what would you be willing to do to help me out?"

Embry's brow puckered, both ends meeting at the center of his forehead. "Er, I don't know…what do you mean? Like, would I take a bullet or something?"

Jacob shook his head quickly, stepping over to where his friend sat in the middle of the room. "No, no. I'm talking more like…" Pausing, he glanced at his friend's eyes for the first time, and felt a prick of excitement coat his next words. "Can I try something?"

Embry raised a brow, but didn't get a chance to answer. Jacob was already leaning into him, his eyes closed and lips outstretched. It took Embry a minute to recover, but when Jake's lips were less than half an inch away from his, he woke up.

"What the _hell, _man!" He flung himself to the side, out of Jacob's way, and watched as Jacob fell forward onto the crate he'd been sitting on.

Jacob pouted, sitting up again, and threw Embry a hopeless look. "Embry, it's okay. You don't need to be afraid or embarrassed… I just want to see if I can do this."

"With _me?!_" Embry shook his head back and forth, back and forth, trying to soothe his horror. "That's messed up, Jacob! And you know it, too!"

"No, Embry, don't be like that!" Jake stood from the crate, reaching out toward his friend with shaking hands. He could feel the desperation lingering on his face, and he couldn't explain the feeling of rejection that was crawling beneath his skin. "Please, just let me…"

"Dude! Knock it off!" Embry pushed at him and ran backwards, knocking over a can of paint. Frantically, he glanced back at it, noticing that it had splattered his pants with white. "Did you smoke your freaking breakfast, or what?!"

Jacob was staring at Embry's pants with an odd expression. "Maybe I should get you some new pants," he suggested.

"Oh no, you don't!" Embry shouted, voice hysteric. "You're not going anywhere _near _my pants!"

"Embry, be reasonable. You know that I don't…feel that way about you. I just want to see if I'll be able to do it when Bella…Man-Bella…chooses me."

"I will _not _be your practice dummy!" Embry shuddered. "You're sick, Jacob. Truly sick."

A snort sounded from the doorway, and both wolves glanced over to see a very amused Edward leaning casually against the frame. "Oh, I disagree. I think you're doing a very fine job of being his practice dummy, Embry. You're giving him just what he'd get from Bella—_rejection._"

"Oooh! Take that, pooch!" No one had noticed Emmett until he sprung through the door, pointing both pointer-fingers at Jacob's reddening face. "Ha," he chortled, punching Edward's shoulder playfully. "What a loser that guy is."

Edward grinned.

"Pl-bu-ju-you…" Jacob stuttered, unable to find his words.

Embry slowly slid his way along the wall, not at all tensed by the shortening distance between him and the vampires. He would gladly marry one before he let Jacob kiss him—well, he'd marry the blonde one, anyway. She was hot.

To give himself more time to come up with something to say to the leeches, Jacob let his attention drift back to his friend. "Embry, don't leave yet. We need to talk."

"_Talk_," Edward choked out, snickering. "That doesn't look like talking to _me," _he laughed, peering into Jacob's mind. "But it does involve mouths, nonetheless."

Jacob threw the plastic crate at Edward's smirking face. It hit the pale vampire's stomach before shattering into pieces. Edward continued to look amused.

"You know what," Jacob spit out, glaring with reddening vision. "You—you're…I'm not the _only _one thinking of kissing a guy!" he shouted.

Edward's face fell for a moment, flipping through several different emotions before it settled on anger. Then, turning swiftly on his heels, he began to walk away.

"Yeah, that's right! Go suck some more blood, you stupid leech! I hope it's anemic!" Jacob called after him, smug that he had won the battle.

Edward paused to look back at him, raising a brow, and said, "Hey, keep this in mind, _mongrel. _We may drink blood, but at least we don't eat our own poop."

"Oooh yeah! Nice one, Ed!" Emmett slapped his brother five. "Take that, _dog! _Go suck on some fecal matter! I hope it's runny!"

And with that, the vampires ran away, laughing, leaving Jacob fuming behind them.

Embry was no where to be found.

* * *

Back at the Cullen's house, Edward and Emmett saw that everyone had gone hunting without them. Emmett sighed, tracing his fingers sourly over the fabric of one of Rosalie's jackets.

"I hate it when she goes without me," he mumbled to himself. "She's so hot when she's hunting."

Edward vaguely noticed the pictures running through Emmett's mind—Rosalie, running with torn clothes headlong at a Grizzly Bear—but this time, his attention was focused more on his own thoughts. He couldn't help but be a little affected by what Jacob had said. And maybe Jacob's thoughts had been right. Maybe…

Emmett looked over at Edward's dazed face, seeing the pensive look in his eyes, and immediately put his defenses up. "Don't you even _think _about pulling that shit with _me, _Edward. I would kick your ass if you tried to kiss me, you hear me?"

Edward snapped out of his trance, snorting and raising his eyebrows, throwing his hands into the air. "Pfft," he snorted nervously, glancing around the room, avoiding eye contact. "Don't be foolish, Emmett," he chuckled, his voice inching up a couple of octaves. "Of course I'd never…" he let his words fall away suggestively, hoping he'd been convincing, but Emmett's thoughts showed him that he hadn't been fooled.

Sighing aggravatedly, Edward scowled, and turned for the door. "Dammit," he muttered. "I just wanted to see if I could do it."


End file.
